


Experimental Angling

by Aoki



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Drunk Hubert, Fishing, M/M, lighthearted dissociation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29088315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aoki/pseuds/Aoki
Summary: Hubert is drunk and tries his hand at fishing.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	Experimental Angling

Hubert was not naturally inclined towards foolishness. It was a perfectly reasonable thing to do, to catch a fish. The professor did it all the time. The lateness of the hour was unconventional, but he reasoned this would only mean his piscine quarry would be all the more vulnerable.

He shifted his weight; a wooden creak. Idly, he wondered whether fish heard things the same way as humans. Did they have little bones in their heads that could be broken? Or did the sound hit them in tremulous waves that rocked their entire being? Hubert could relate to the latter. He felt adrift. Pleasantly so, as if his consciousness was not quite caught up with his body. Dorothea circulated such gentle poison. He resolved to not underestimate her again.

He clicked his tongue, closed his eyes, and schooled his mind to silence. Dark magic pooled about his fingertips like sticky, wet blood. It felt more viscous than usual; wobbly. If we were to call his everyday magic alike to an obsidian dagger, honed sharp in service to its master's will; then today's effort was a fistful of jelly dyed black. Hubert, of course, did not pay it much mind. 

He would freely admit that he didn't know much about fish. But surely, catching one couldn't be that hard. He caught humans all the time; and what were fish but just stupid, wet, humans. All of this money wasted on nets and rods; he was undoubtedly the first to have the prescience to use magic. He would revolutionise the industry.

He formed the darkness into a ball. It wavered uncertainly and promptly slipped out of Hubert's fingers, bouncing once and then detonating at the water's surface. Pungent water sprayed up all over Hubert's clothes.

Undeterred, he launched his next mire spell directly at the water. It sank slowly; like a conversation with Caspar about the finer points of modern literature. A few moments passed. 

Had Caspar even read any literature? Hubert highly doubted that Caspar read anything, though perhaps an exception could be made for the leaflets sold on Enbarr backstreets. They were prolifically popular despite their questionable legality. Hubert had even bought one once, intrigued by the possibilities of uncensored publishing. He was sorely disappointed. At first glance, his pamphlet appeared to be a treatise on willow bark tea. However, its pages held a bawdy retelling of the tale of the fight against Nemesis, complete with woodcuts of an impossibly busty Seiros. How the audience was supposed to believe she could fight around those things, he'd never know. Perhaps he was missing the point. 

When Edelgard found it on his bureau; he expected her to laugh with him at the sheer absurdity of it. He'd nearly choked when she asked if she could have it. The topic hadn't come up again, but he speculated that she must have detected a deeper narrative he'd missed. There was no other explanation.

He'd entirely forgotten about the spell when the pylons beneath his feet were shaken by a great resounding BOOM. 

His heart leapt from his chest. 

For one brief, terrifying moment; a sheet of pond water hung in the air. He gasped. The water charged towards him with more malice than the entire Imperial court. It knocked him to the floor. He cried out as a tingly white shock travelled up his humerus. Hubert clutched his arm. Not for the first time, he concluded that whoever designed elbows deserved a long and slow death. 

Panting and soaked to the bone, Hubert sat up. He watched in satisfaction as several fish floated to the surface. He was a genius. 

Now the only thing left to do was to get them out. 

Pain forgotten, Hubert took the most logical course of action and jumped into the water. It wasn't as if he could get any more waterlogged. 

***

An hour later Ferdinand found him. 

To nearly anyone else in Garreg Mach, Hubert would be a picture of absolute and irredeemable derangement. He lay on the jetty, covered in pond scum and the pungent black soot formed by poorly cast dark magic. Several freshly caught fish were scattered haphazardly about his head. One was still valiantly struggling to launch itself the required three feet to freedom, with little success. Hubert looked up to see Ferdinand trying and failing to hide a smile. 

"I've made a terrible fool of myself"

Ferdinand tossed the single surviving fish back into the water, then sat down near Hubert's head. 

"Yes, you have." He said amicably and picked a bit of duckweed out of Hubert's hair. 

"Although, If it were a competition," Ferdinand continued, "I would wager that Sylvain has won this night"

"What has he done?"

"Why, he has serenaded nearly every member of the black eagle strike force!"

"Somehow, I am not surprised."

Ferdinand chuckled and continued.

"He compared Felix to a mongoose and nearly got punched in the face."

"I wouldn't call that especially flattering."

"No." Ferdinand laughed. "Although I got labelled a warhorse, which is not much better." 

Hubert could hear the continued carousing of the others off in the distance. From the sound of it, Caspar at least was still going strong. He would have _words_ with Dorothea tomorrow. 

Ferdinand looked on Hubert with a smile.

"Perhaps he would declare you a lily of the pond. You are definitely wet enough," said Ferdinand thoughtfully. 

"A lily indeed; I feel more like one of these herring."

Ferdinand laughed and kissed Hubert on the forehead. When he pulled back, he gave Hubert a slow smile and tucked a strand of his auburn hair behind his ear. 

"Well, my dearest herring, let us put your fish in the icebox and go get you cleaned up."


End file.
